crazy little thing called motherhood

this year truly begins a new year, and literally a new life . . . we are all adjusting: to the cold, to hubs working all day, to a house that requires much more energy and up-keep than our <600 sq.ft. condo, and also much more opportunity for play, including a yard! a double lot, no less. God has blessed us abundantly: i am more convinced now than ever that when He makes us wait for things, it is because He is preparing very, very good things indeed.
blessings do not come without "growing pains," however, as my sister-in-law termed them. it has been very difficult for both finn + momma, to have daddy gone all day. every single morning this week has begun far too early, in that my son wakes up when he is still tired, and with a tantrum or series of tantrums, because he is tired, hungry, and confused about daddy leaving. it is not an easy time for me: i wake up still tired and in no frame of mind, attitude, or strength of virtue to deal with the only way that he knows to express his many and sometimes conflicting desires. feeling, also, the burden of "keeping house" in a true sense for the first time, as well as the strong, impatient urge to unpack and settle in, checked by the needs of my toddler and my inside baby, has been a whole new lesson in patience.
because i am one impatient momma, and am i ever realizing the extent of it!
i know many things in my  head, know and even cherish them: that my children are part of my path to heaven, that there is abundant joy and blessing in a "full quiver," that this house is in a location and with amenities (double lot = 1/4 acre!; 3 bedrooms, claw-foot tub) that we scarcely dared to hope for. but i am realizing, too the tremendous amount of maturity, self-sacrifice, and virtuous attitude that a true home requires of a mother. my confessor in dallas, whom i will miss tremendously, repeatedly reminded me that the mother is the heart of the home, and whatever is in the mother's heart will be in the home. i can see this from my own mother and home, and how her growth has given a different atmosphere to my younger sisters. and i tremble to think of what my impatience, frustration, exhaustion, and loneliness are bringing into my own home. the only answer, of course, is prayer: of thanksgiving, of supplication, of deep love of our Lord.
nothing comes "no strings attached," and any amount of true happiness is completely incompatible with selfishness. selfishness will require that we continuously suck the joy from others in order to maintain our illusions of contentment, freedom, whatever--when, in fact, only "in dying are we born to eternal life."
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the LIving God, have mercy on me, a sinner.