what it feels like to be ADD/autism spectrum

tonight we made the mistake of going out to eat at a restaurant that had caused trouble with the boys before. it's amazing what happens to my sweet son when he gets a bit of gluten in him. he becomes a completely different child: hyper-over-reactive, screaming, ueber-clingy. it's nuts. i am not severely ADD, but i know what he's going through, and whenever this happens, especially when it's my fault for not being picky enough about his food, my gut wrenches because i know how he feels. and it is wretched. i remember feeling this way a LOT before i cut out especially artificial dyes and colors. it's something like this:

IWANTTOTAKEOFFMYSKINIDONOTFITINSIDEOFMYSELFWHATYOU'RETALKINGTOME-OHCRAPI'VEGOTTOANSWERHOWDOIMAKEASENTENCEWHATWORDSGOTOGETHER-AMILOSINGMYMINDI'LLJUSTWALKAROUNDINCIRCLESORPACEBECAUSEICANNOT-CONTAINMYSELFINSIDEOFMYSELFANDTHISWORLDISWAYTOOMUCHFORMETODEALWITH.

in short, every single nerve in every single separate sense: touch*sight*smell*sound, especially, is taking in information separately from every single other nerve, and your brain is trying to process every single separate piece of information until it's like a steaming radiator. and your body feels lousy on top of it all. it's miserable. i remember telling people, "i feel like my skin is crawling, or like i have too much self to fit inside of it, or i just want to take it off or something." when someone talks to you, your brain has to process each word separately, and it's trying to do it at hyperspeed, too, so trying to carry on a conversation becomes intensely laborious.

i am so enormously thankful that i had people in my life who were able to associate finn's infant screaming and skin problems with his food. even now, after indulging in some "bad" food (namely wheat), i feel icky, and my poor sweet son went to sleep at about 6 because the world was too hard to deal with. i strongly suspect that if i had not been guided to cut out wheat and dairy when he was an infant, i would have, at best, a boy with major behavioral issues, and at worst, one who was "severely ADD" or some form of autism spectrum. i am 100% sold that so very  many of these issues are diet related, just knowing the change in my own moods and physical and mental well-being based on my diet. my husband can tell when i've been eating sugar or processed foods. so can my kids.

we've fallen off the bandwagon a bit, and need to go through a cleanse. it's so hard, and at times can be very labor-intensive, but not nearly so draining as having sick kiddos, or a sick mama.