18 January 2013

what it feels like to be ADD/autism spectrum

tonight we made the mistake of going out to eat at a restaurant that had caused trouble with the boys before. it's amazing what happens to my sweet son when he gets a bit of gluten in him. he becomes a completely different child: hyper-over-reactive, screaming, ueber-clingy. it's nuts. i am not severely ADD, but i know what he's going through, and whenever this happens, especially when it's my fault for not being picky enough about his food, my gut wrenches because i know how he feels. and it is wretched. i remember feeling this way a LOT before i cut out especially artificial dyes and colors. it's something like this:

IWANTTOTAKEOFFMYSKINIDONOTFITINSIDEOFMYSELFWHATYOU'RETALKINGTOME-OHCRAPI'VEGOTTOANSWERHOWDOIMAKEASENTENCEWHATWORDSGOTOGETHER-AMILOSINGMYMINDI'LLJUSTWALKAROUNDINCIRCLESORPACEBECAUSEICANNOT-CONTAINMYSELFINSIDEOFMYSELFANDTHISWORLDISWAYTOOMUCHFORMETODEALWITH.

in short, every single nerve in every single separate sense: touch*sight*smell*sound, especially, is taking in information separately from every single other nerve, and your brain is trying to process every single separate piece of information until it's like a steaming radiator. and your body feels lousy on top of it all. it's miserable. i remember telling people, "i feel like my skin is crawling, or like i have too much self to fit inside of it, or i just want to take it off or something." when someone talks to you, your brain has to process each word separately, and it's trying to do it at hyperspeed, too, so trying to carry on a conversation becomes intensely laborious.

i am so enormously thankful that i had people in my life who were able to associate finn's infant screaming and skin problems with his food. even now, after indulging in some "bad" food (namely wheat), i feel icky, and my poor sweet son went to sleep at about 6 because the world was too hard to deal with. i strongly suspect that if i had not been guided to cut out wheat and dairy when he was an infant, i would have, at best, a boy with major behavioral issues, and at worst, one who was "severely ADD" or some form of autism spectrum. i am 100% sold that so very  many of these issues are diet related, just knowing the change in my own moods and physical and mental well-being based on my diet. my husband can tell when i've been eating sugar or processed foods. so can my kids.

we've fallen off the bandwagon a bit, and need to go through a cleanse. it's so hard, and at times can be very labor-intensive, but not nearly so draining as having sick kiddos, or a sick mama.

5 comments:

Emily said...

Hi Jaime,
I really enjoyed this post because I've been giving a lot of thought to our Henry's skin sensitivities and his whiny/clingy/screamy self. I wouldn't put it quite on the level of how you described your son, but still I believe there could be a food culprit. Did you start by just eliminating one thing and seeing how it went? Can you recommend any books or websites that have been helpful resources?
Thanks~~
Emily

Mary S said...

Jaime, boy, do we understand. C's behavior completely changed when we took her off gluten. I'm don't know if she would have been diagnosed ADD, but she threw a lot of fits. It was like someone flipped a switch - she became very emotional. We're cutting out dairy now and finding it very hard - especially cheese.

To Emily, we found the book "The Gluten Connection" by Lieberman very helpful. The knowledge I gained from that book gave me what I needed to make the cut.

I have heard that the GAPS Diet book is very helpful, but I haven't had the chance to purchase it yet. http://gapsdiet.com/

Jaime, you are such a wonderful mother. I hope you know that you are not alone in these struggles! It can sure feel like it sometimes.

I love you!

Mary S said...

These are also good sources for information/support.

http://gapsandkids.com/

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thegapsdiet/

https://www.facebook.com/groups/recoveringkids2/

j'aime said...

thanks for your encouragement, ladies!

emily, what actually happened with finn was a gradual unmasking of allergies. sometimes one allergy is so bad that the body has to "cleanse" from it--once it starts to recover from the allergen, lesser allergies will emerge. so at 3 weeks, i stoopped eating eggs. then dairy. then wheat. then corn. i have since become horrified and repulsed by GMO wheat and corn, in particular.
most of what i found was anecdotal, through other people's experiences. i was so surprised to discover in my son the cause-effect of diet and then behavior. it is so supressed in mainstream culture: no one wants to accept, let alone advertise, that if you eat crappy food, your body doesn't work properly, and then this in turn affects how you feel and behave. ANYWAY i won't start riding THAT hobbyhorse! GAPS has been extremely enlightening, but more than anything has been seeing the changes in myself and my sons.
i would recommend, really, going off all of the main culprits, but if that is overwhelming then definitely cutting out one thing at a time.

Lily said...

JMJ

Hi Jaime,
Your blog is a delight to read, postings on your new home, work on the land, chickens, and the like, and most especially your family delightful. Please re-email me your address as I have a Christmas (yes, Christmas!) card still to be mailed to you.
There is a book entitled Breaking the Vicious Cycle that might be helpful to some as it explains how to heal a person's gut -- after such dicoveries as Celiac's Disease, Chrohns, and severe food allergies -- through a particular way of eating, as well as provides recipes.

Love,
Katie