the Silmarillion

i first started, or attempted to start, the Silmarillion in high school--i think. i read the first chapter or two several times, but for some reason, could not persevere. i began again this year or early last, determined to at least "get through" it. as i started reading Lord of the Rings for the second time this year, however, i realized that i, finally, actually *wanted* to read it. i want to know all the history of the ring, of Middle Earth, of the heros and sorrows and "great deeds not wholly vain" (more on that here). i also have been pondering for several months Tolkien's conception of heroism. there is on my bookshelf a study of Tolkien and redeeming myth, which i have yet to read, but i am excited about these things. i am excited to be thinking, analyzing, understanding. i try to explain to people that the reason i was so frustrated as a child was because i never understood anything, and i couldn't wait to grow up and understand things. (curious term, this "under-standing", as if our knowledge of things causes them to be. perhaps it is a faint echo of our feeble participation in the creative powers of God. but i digress (fancy that)).

along similar lines, i (also finally) finished a sample essay on Northanger Abbey for "my" students. but i have been thinking of Austen again, and this her first novel contains at least the seeds of nearly all her main themes: family, imagination, education, guidance and teaching, self-knowledge and virtue, and the connection to, or rather necessity for, all of these things to love--that genuine, true, deep love of one for another. she was an amazing woman, this MIss Austen. i remember when choosing a novel for my 12th grade Brit Lit research paper, my teacher cautioned us that no matter how much we loved our novel at first, we would hate the sight of it by the end of the project. thirteen years later, after the research paper, five or six years of grading half-baked essays on it, and taking a grad course on Austen, i still deeply love Pride and Prejudice, to which my guardian angel lead me, and still discover new things in it. i need to better order my days, so that i can write on Austen. and do it now, for now is all i have.

also, i have such a sweet boy. he is so precious. new photos up on shutterfly.