dancing in the dark

still using someone else's artwork as blog background . . . ah, c'est la vie. but, as i have been posting everywhere, i have started pointe again--sans baby belly this time--and i love it so very, very much.
the baby is awake, again, because his sleep schedule has gotten all wonky, and i finally figured out how to rescue LB from the black muddiness of too many backgrounds etc. i do not think anyone is still out there, but, as others note, sometimes it is necessary to write. and why write publicly? because i . . . i am lonely, for one thing. and there is always the chance that, by "publishing," someone will see, understand--maybe, maybe even be helped by my ramblings. everyone is moving away; i have not spoken to my dear dear friend since her wedding (less than a month ago, but it feels like ages); my dearest sister is gone gone gone. i still have many good people here, but it is so much easier for me to write than to talk, still.
it is so hard, so very hard, to understand God's workings. it seemed so right and fitting and timely that we would be leaving this autumn, but we have found nothing. i feel, once again, left behind, trapped, forgotten, passed over. of course God is not doing that, but those feelings are still there.
in the meantime, hubs and i are going to watch some more Flight of the Conchords. in absence of any sort of sense in reality, i find it helpful to escape into further nonsense.
.  . .