Gaudete!

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say, rejoice.  Let your modesty be known to all men, for the Lord is nigh.  Be nothing solicitous, but in everything by prayer let your petitions be made known to God.  Thou has blessed Thy land, O Lord:  Thou hast turned away the captivity of Jacob  (Introit).  Incline Thine ear to our prayers we beseech Thee, O Lord, and enlighten the darkness of our minds by the grace of Thy visitation (Collect).

I remember in high school having a special fondness for Psalm 37:  the oft-quoted "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."  oh, good, thought I, if I am holy, then God will give me what I want.  it was my mum, with that parental wisdom that is so maddening to 19, who pointed out that delighting oneself in the Lord means being fully content with God, and that if you delight yourself in Him, then you will have everything you want, because He desires to come to us.  but i want what I want!  

beyond just hard, it is terrifying to let go of desire and want only God.  somehow, there is the lurking fear that He will not prove to be enough, after all.  it takes so much trust, and so much discipline, to relinquish all other desires and want Him alone.  and yet, of course:  peace, when we finally do stop pursuing emptiness and begin desiring only God, when we are finally free from the mad, burning lust that drives us to things of this world and rest at last beside the tranquil waters; springs that are, indeed, restful, but deep and powerful enough to quell the most obstinate will.  the quest to desire God alone is the never-ending battle; our refuge is in the prayer that Mary prayed at the Annunciation, that Christ prayed in Gethsemane, the prayer that brought our salvation:  non mea voluntas, sed Tua fiat.  Not my will, oh God, but Thine be done.