(c) ruth and j'aime

"Why should I buy expensive art when I can make my own."

all the earth

Maria walks amid the thorn

Kyrie eleison

Which seven years no leaf has born

She walks amid the wood of thorn

Jesus and Maria

What 'neath her heart does Mary bear?

Kyrie eleison

A little child does Mary bear

Beneath her heart He nestles there

Jesus and Maria

And as the two are passing near

Kyrie eleison

Lo! roses on the thorns appear

Lo! roses on the thorns appear

Jesus and Maria

Gaudete!

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say, rejoice.  Let your modesty be known to all men, for the Lord is nigh.  Be nothing solicitous, but in everything by prayer let your petitions be made known to God.  Thou has blessed Thy land, O Lord:  Thou hast turned away the captivity of Jacob  (Introit).  Incline Thine ear to our prayers we beseech Thee, O Lord, and enlighten the darkness of our minds by the grace of Thy visitation (Collect).

I remember in high school having a special fondness for Psalm 37:  the oft-quoted "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."  oh, good, thought I, if I am holy, then God will give me what I want.  it was my mum, with that parental wisdom that is so maddening to 19, who pointed out that delighting oneself in the Lord means being fully content with God, and that if you delight yourself in Him, then you will have everything you want, because He desires to come to us.  but i want what I want!  

beyond just hard, it is terrifying to let go of desire and want only God.  somehow, there is the lurking fear that He will not prove to be enough, after all.  it takes so much trust, and so much discipline, to relinquish all other desires and want Him alone.  and yet, of course:  peace, when we finally do stop pursuing emptiness and begin desiring only God, when we are finally free from the mad, burning lust that drives us to things of this world and rest at last beside the tranquil waters; springs that are, indeed, restful, but deep and powerful enough to quell the most obstinate will.  the quest to desire God alone is the never-ending battle; our refuge is in the prayer that Mary prayed at the Annunciation, that Christ prayed in Gethsemane, the prayer that brought our salvation:  non mea voluntas, sed Tua fiat.  Not my will, oh God, but Thine be done.

Finis--for now

i have successfully (i hope) completed my first semester of teaching.  it has been long, difficult, and humbling, and i don't know how "rewarding" overall it was, but i thoroughly enjoyed it.  i fully expect that after this much needed respite, i will be able to gird my loins and leap into the thick of it again at the end of january.  it is always good for ideals to meet reality and thus be duly tempered.  i confess i was discouraged when, for the final, three of my students wrote how homosexual adoption is a-okay because all that matters is that people love each other.  i would be interested to know how they define "love", if they are able to define it at all beyond feelings.  one of them really surprised me--a baptist girl who said that it was "rubish" [sic] that a homosexual couple cannot be "saved" Christians.  reading her conception of Christianity, though, i was enlightened.  again, it's all reduced to feelings.  i prefer a religion based on something a little more substantial.  ah, c'est la vie.  not much more news:  waiting, waiting, waiting, and very excited to be seeing my family in michigan over Christmas, for the first time in almost eight months!  and also, thesis is coming along nicely.

That's all, folks!