Mourning

It's been just over a month now since "The Accident," and whoah Nellie it's been a long month. I know from other losses that it will never get any less surreal. It will become "normal" in that daily life without her will be how it is, and the brain will adjust to that, but it will never really be real. and it will never feel less stupid.

I haven't been able to write here, although I've been writing more on some projects I've had in hand for a while. I haven't really been calling people, but I do appreciate getting phone calls! I have been more or less in a state of inertia, realizing that lfie is hurtling right along and I need to be on the train. I've been shopping for school supplies--Finn starts kindergarten this year!--and preparing for the class I'll be teaching at the homeschool co-op I'll be joining next year, when Finn and I begin that journey. I'm so excited! I've really missed teaching and being "intellectual." I keep thinking about going back to school for my Doctorate. I don't know if that will ever happen, but I sure hope it does. I'll be teaching IEW--Institute for Excellence in Writing, founded by Andrew Pudewa (and folks, Andrew Pudewa is . . . oh man. He's so cool. I went to a talk of his on grammar and I was trying not to do dances of joy and glee when he was talking about word as essence.). In addition to being a huge fan of his philosophy, metaphysics, and writing program, I felt totally vindicated when in one of his videos he said he hated practicing violin as a kid. Sorry, Finn. No dice. We're not quitting. I'll also be teaching philosophy once a month, and then drama in the spring. Also I have ten riding students lined up. I'm going to be a very busy mama!

And I'm so glad. Because every day I miss you, Sarah.

We got holes in our hearts

we got holes in our lives

yeah we got holes, we got holes

but we carry on