heartbreak when one is married is a whole different ballgame from the onerous, pathetic heartbreak of the single person (i use the word in its many senses: "pathetic" in deserving of pity, of gentleness, and in the "oh my god get over it" way, both).
(have i mentioned before why dating is STRAIGHT FROM HELL? i've heard it described as "practice for divorce" rather than searching for a soul partner. and that's far truer than most single people will tell you. because you put yourself, your whole self, from childhood and brokenness and fears, and even if it's really damn good for a while, a few weeks or months or in some cases even years, there's only one time it can end in happiness. otherwise it's heartbreak after heartbreak, a relentless insistance on the feeling of "too much and not good enough", lie after lie as one is pursued and dropped faster than a hot potato when some tastier meat comes along.)
rant OVER. and thank God my dating years are, too.
but marriage doesn't meant no more heartbreak. it's limited . . . in the Catholic world of standards, it means that you are safeguarded from that full-out rejection. i don't mean just if someone is giving lip-service to one's vows: i mean when one actually is trying genuinely to live one's vows. it means that you sacrifice yourself, over and over, for something more good and more beautiful than your own whims. it means you grow up and stop acting like a spoiled child whom the whole effing world must revolve around and placate in order for you to be happy. it means that other people's needs (there is a HUGE HUGE and i repeat HUGE difference between wants and needs) are more important . . . than you.
folks, please, i promise: if you realize that you are not, should not, and cannot be the center of reality, your happiness will increase exponentially . . .
if you realize that seeking your own happiness can lead always and only, without exception, to unhappiness, you will begin to find peace . . .
if you realize that you cannot ever understand why, really, that if you really just let the * go, and try to stop playing God, you will find what you need, your heart will know rest . . .
if you realize that what we want so rarely lines up with what we need, you will accept what is, and with joy . . .
oh my friends, i cannot say better what already has been said by my British suit-wearing hippies:
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