24 November 2006

"drinking beer, playing poker and dating your daughter"

i dreamed that i saw you
you were down at the corner store
you were lookin' through a magazine
then you flew out the door
i was trying to wave to you
but you wouldn't wave back
now you know i understand
you're with me only in the past

run away to the sea shore
it doesn't matter anymore,
doesn't matter anymore
words dry up and fly away
in the passing of the days
eventually
you just let the stone fall

you're with me only in the past

-BGTs

20 November 2006

our heart are restless

one of my favourite parts of the Old Mass is the psalm the priest says during the washing of the hands (ps. 26: 6-12). last week the line "that i may encompass Thy altar" struck me. how to encompass the altar of the Lord??? many layers and many answers, but one interpretation that slowly dawned on me is that when we receive Him, we become the altar of His sacrifice. sends shivers down my spine.

and to transition ... not that any human being can actually save another in a metaphysical or spiritual sense, but ... "when i'm a bullet shot out of a gun when i'm a fire-cracker coming undone when i'm a fugitive ready to run all wild-eyed and crazy wherever my reckless soul takes me ..."

the ability to trust someone is a lost art. i pray to God i can find it.

10 November 2006

intoxicating

dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
dance me through the panic 'till i'm gathered safely in
lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove
........
show me slowly what i only know the limits of
........
dance me very tenderly and dance me very long
we're both of us beneath our love, we're both of us above
........
dance me to the curtains that our kisses have outworn
raise a tent of shelter now though every thread is torn
........
touch me with your naked hand, touch me with your glove
dance me to the end of love
dance me to the end of love

(-leonard cohen)

09 November 2006

facing the facts

"But suppose one doesn't quite know which one wants to put first. Suppose ... suppose one is cursed with both a heart and a brain?"
"You can usually tell," said Miss de Vine, "by seeing what kind of mistakes you make. I'm quite sure that one never makes fundamental mistakes about the thing one really wants to do. Fundamental mistakes arise out of lack of genuine interest. In my opinion, that is ... if there's any subject in which you're content with the second-rate, then it isn't really your subject."
"You're dead right," said Harriet, after a pause. "If on'es genuingly interested one knows how to be patient, and let time pass ... perhap's that's the meaning of the phrase about genius being eternal patience, which I always thought rather absurd. If you truly want a thing, you don't snatch; if you snatch, you don't really want it. Do you suppose that, if you find yourself taking pains about a thing, it's proof of its importance to you?"
"I think it is, to a large extent. But the big proof is that the thing comes right, without those fundamental errors. One always makes surface errors, of course. But a fundamental error is a sure sign of not caring. I wish one could teach people nowadays that the doctrine of snatching what one thinks one wants is unsound."
"I saw six plays this winter in London," said Harriet, "all preaching the doctrine of snatch. I agree that they left me with the feeling that none of the characters knew what they wanted."

"No," said Miss de Vine. "If you are once sure what you do want, you find that everything else goes down before it like grass under a roller--all other interests, your own and other people's ... however painful it is, there's always one thing one has to deal with sincerely, if there's any root to one's mind at all."

-Dorothy Sayers, Gaudy Night

01 November 2006

more procrastination

third paper: aristotle, walker percy, chopin, and haagen-dazs black raspberry chip and a very, very distracted brain. coffee following immediately. i will likely add to this post tonight; it's going to be a long night. my brain shall be in shreds. also my roommate just brought me RAW MILK! i am exhilirated to extreme measures. and i really, really need to just stop procrastinating. focus, focus, focus ...
***********
(next day)

water, whiskey, beethoven, eliot, picture of nephew. paper due in a matter of hours and i seem to be spending an inappropriate amount of time either playing free cell or tormenting the dog. but i did get a brilliant and unexpected four and a half hours! of sleep.