femininity: addendum

So try to wall up: "I will never love again." But then we go to Mass and there is our dead God hanging over the altar. Ask any pagan and they'll tell you the purpose of an altar: to kill. Death and Sacrifice for expiation and atonement. You can't get away with anything as a Catholic. Love demands vulnerability. No walls allowed, just crosses. Go tell that Man over there, the One with holes all over Him, that you're tired of suffering, thank You very much. You're sick of loving 'cause it hurts too bad. Go tell Him, please, that you're sick of being annihilated whenever you try to give yourself. "I offered up my innocence And got repaid with scorn" (one of the best lines ever written, by the way). And the worst part: He's still vulnerable. He promised He would always stay with us, so what does He do? He goes and stays in a wafer. A piece of bread. At a flawed man's beck and call. We eat Him. 'Scuse me, gotta go eat God now. No wiggle room here, no cop-out. No "Okay, I'm done suffering now." It's maddening, absolutely infuriating at times, to serve a God that's already done everything He asks of you, but done it even more. He's given more than enough reason to say "Yes."